Shades of Grey and Blue
by greysinbetween
Summary: After a terrible accident Stephen Hay has amnesia. Is this a blessing in disguise?
1. My name is Steven Hay Chapter 1

Shades of Grey and Blue

Pairing: Brendan and Steven

Warning: Angst, pain, maybe slight ooc-ness

Genre: Romance, Mystery

Rating: T- M

Disclaimer: Do not own any characters from Hollyoaks, just wish I did.

A/N: This takes place before Noah and Ste got together when the Warren and Brendan storyline was going on. As the chapters play out you will get an understanding of where and what. Told in third person but will have Prov from Ste's view, maybe depending if the situation given a Brendan Prov but it is mainly third person. Also I am not British so I may get the slang and words wrong sorry and I've never had or encounter anyone with amnesia so sorry if I get some of the things wrong just go along with it : )

Summary: after a terrible accident Stephen Hay has amnesia. Is this a blessing in disguise?

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><p>The sound of a clock ticking could be heard as it echoes through the darkness. Each stroke of the hand was louder than the last. Heavy breathing that was relentless as a faded image of person running into the endless darkness.<p>

Over the last few weeks, every night the young man would have the same dream. It wasn't anything that made sense. It wasn't anything to smile about or a nightmare that kept you up at night but a haunting, never ending occurrence, repeating movement of each noise and the hazy figure of a person running that seemed to go on forever.

His eyes flutters open, staring distantly at the pink painted walls. Laying there, feeling the warmth and the comfort of the sheets. He didn't feel the urgency to move but just to lie there for a while longer. Listening to the birds chirping as the sunlight glows, peeping through the curtains. He couldn't help but feel relaxed.

It's been almost two month since he's had gotten a good sleep. At first the nights were long and restless. Nightmares of distorted images plague his dreams that made him woke up at nights, panicking covered in sweat, even though the doctor had warned him about the side effects after the accident that most patients suffered from strange dreams since they're subconsciously trying to remember. He had gotten Valium to help calm his nerves when he felt anxious. Since those dreams had passed he began having dreams that left him with questions.

He turns to lie on his back and sat up, pulling the covers off he got up and stretched. Letting out a lazy yawn he made his way into the kitchen following the scent of bacons being cooked.

"Hey sleepy head" The blond hair lady said stirring the pan, with the sizzling sound of bacon's frying.

"Did you have a good sleep?" She asked.

"Yup"

"Hi daddi" the little blond hair girl said, walking up and grabbing the side of his leg to get his attention. Since he's been back it had taken some getting used to. Finding out he fathered two kids and one is his own was overwhelming at first. He remembers them faintly but now, being here and seeing how precious they are, he was beginning to feel like they were actually his own.

"Hey Leah, enjoin' your mommy's cookin'?" Ste said rubbing his hand on her head as she smiles and nodded at him.

He sat down on the chair across from Leah and her baby brother, Lucas. Scratching the side of his head as his fingers ran over the welted scar.

"Ste, stop that"

"I can' help it…still itches" Ste said scratching the side of his head.

"You heard what the doctor said, it's going to itch once an' awhile since it was pretty large wound." Amy replied and places a plate with bacon and eggs in front of him.

"Ya, but it's like drivin' mi crazy" running his fingers at the side of his head. He remembered before the number of stiches he had running from the back to the right side of his head. The doctors were surprised he survived but also he had perfect function over his body.

"Okay, I got to go" She said grabbing the bags. "Leah, we're going to be late" lifting Lucas up with her free hand.

"I can take him to the daycare for you" Ste said.

"No, that's alright, I have to go now, you goin' to be okay by yourself?"

"I'm fine, Amy"

"Remember to take your pills and be careful" She said concern written all over her face. He knew her concern was since the last time he had anxiety attack and they had called her. She was sweet to him. He recalled that time at the hospital, wondering who the woman was outside his room door. At first he thought she was possible a crazy person since he did not know her but now, he could see why they used to be together, she was a good, hard working person and a great mother.

"I will" Ste smiled and Amy kissed him on the cheek before she left with Leah and Lucas in hand.

Running his fingers over the scar again, feeling thickness. It wasn't visible anymore since his hair has grown back. It had lost its shape and was getting longer.

Finishing the last of his drink and doing the dishes, he was ready to head out to the store. Ste was happy that he had got a job just a few blocks from the house. Sitting around the house wasn't fun. He hated feeling useless while Amy had taken care of the bills by herself. It was not the dream job he expected but for the time being, this would do.

Walking down the streets had become easier for him to do and to remember. First time he had went about with the help of Amy to find the location of the store. He was lost, forgotten the way back. Caught up in his thoughts, Ste turned the corner and bounced into a man.

"Sorry!" Ste said quickly.

The look of shock was written on the man's face for spilt second before he turn back and walked away. The man mumbled apology under his breath before walking away as if he was being chased. Looking back again, Ste couldn't help but feel as if he knew that man somewhere, but from where? He shook his head and made his way to the store.

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><p>Reviews please let me know what you think so far, really appreciate it.<p> 


	2. A particular man Chapter 2

Chapter 2

A/N: sorry for the wait, you think writing a story already this would have gotten easier T_T I updated this chapter and got ma cuz to fix some grammar mistakes.

Summary: after a terrible accident Stephen Hay has amnesia. Is this a blessing in disguise?

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><p>Heavy breathing resonated through the bleak darkness, as if it was close to his ears, another sound of the constant ticking could be heard. The ticking began to fade when he heard the sound of a distant voice calling his name, as it got closer it became louder.<p>

"Ste!"

"wha'?" he said groggily, feeling the covers being pulled from him and felt the rush of the cool air whisk over his skin.

"I've got go to work, I need to you take Lucas for me" Ste faintly open his eyes glimpsing the blond hair woman standing in front of the bed. "Those kids at school are drivin' me crazy" Amy said disdainfully then called his name again.

"Steeee"

"Alright"

"You think you could take Lucas to the daycare? I'm late, I'll take Leah to school" Amy said, packing the last of her things.

Ste rubbed his hands over his face to get rid of the sleepiness. Stretching out his hands as Amy gave him Lucas to hold.

"I wrote down the directions" She said showing him the paper.

"I'm good" Ste replied, as he watched Amy place the paper on the nightstand and quickly head out the room with Leah. He heard the sound of the front door open then slam shut. Ste sighed, looking at Lucas who was staring back at him with a wide smile on his face showing the few teeth that were prominent.

"Let's get ya dressed" Ste said playfully to Lucas and slowly got off the bed. Heading out the room, he stops for a second, turns and grabs the piece of paper from the nightstand. Who knows he might need it after all.

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><p>It was pretty decent day so far. There wasn't much to do, packing shelves and cleaning wasn't something he found any bit thrilling but doing anything was better than staying home and being useless. Working here has its ups and downs. It wasn't really pressuring for him with all that's happened but also he had the company of red haired lady named Jessica.<p>

She was the cashier and working here since her husband owned the store. She was a very sweet and kind lady. She had green eyes that sparkled when she laughed and a very young spirit for her age. Since he had started she has helped him adjust to his new environment. Even though she was twice his age, She wouldn't pass up a good joke or cracking a few herself. The people in the town were fond of her and her husband and their generous nature.

It was almost noon as always Jessica would step out to run small errands and get the both of them lunch.

"I'm going to out for abit" She said. "You goin' to be fine by yaself?" She asked like she did every day, knowing he was still struggling with certain things but his response was always the same.

"Good thanks" Ste replied and watched her as she waved a hand and went out the door.

He was looking through one of the magazines when he heard the bell above the door ring. He looked up to see the person that entered. It was the guy Ste had bumped into when he was on the way to the store. Their eyes met for a second before Ste looked away. The way he was acting was silly, he thought.

Looking back up, he saw the man at the back of the store collecting some things in his hands. On his way up he grabs a newspaper and made up to the counter. The dark haired man didn't say a word but simply placed the things on the counter. He wasn't looking at Ste, his eyes wondered around the store, tapping his feet and fidgeting as if he was nervous or impatiently waiting to leave.

Ste felt he had to say something, anything just to get a response, especially when He couldn't understand why he had some interest in him, he somehow seemed familiar.

"Sorry but…do I know you?" Ste asked. The man looks at him for second and hesitantly answered.

"No…"

"Oh…just felt that I knew you from somewhere" Ste said. Somehow he couldn't help how intrigued he became by this man. He had a distinct look, icy blue eyes and moustache that added to his distinct features with a cross that was peeked out from his shirt. He had a somewhat dark appeal that screamed 'trouble.'

"Is that right?" The dark hair man said in Irish accent. Blue eyes were unnerving the way he stared at Ste.

"I highly doubt that" he said simply, looking at the blond before taking the bag and head out the store. As the day went on the only thing that was on Ste's mind was his brief encounter with the peculiar Irish man.

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><p>Ste open the door, pulling his jacket off and placed it on the hook. Walking into the living room, he saw Amy holding Lucas with Leah by her side relaxing on the couch watching a TV show.<p>

"Hiya" He said.

"Hiya, everything went alright today?" Amy asked eyes still on the Television.

"Yup" He said and joins them on the couch.

While watching the show, his eyes were focused on T.V. but his mind wandered until it found the mysterious dark haired man he met earlier. He couldn't help it nor could he understand why this particular man had caught his interest. Ste knew he was gay. It was something he realized few weeks before that he was attracted to men. He thought back to a few weeks ago when he was out with Amy and the kids at the park when his attention was caught by a guy that was a few feet away from them with his friends. Amy had noticed the situation and made a comment. The moment the words left her mouth, Ste's eyes widened with realization. He sighed with content and happiness, he confused anymore and what was even greater, Amy didn't seem to have a problem with it, in fact, she was supportive. He was finally at ease. It wasn't really any shock to Ste, he somehow knew but at the same time, it puzzled him. Even though Amy explained their history together he had little to no recollection of how he ended up with Amy or had two kids for that matter.

As soon as the movie ended, Leah and Lucas went on the carpet playing with their toys as Ste and Amy sat there watching them. The blond man sat there contemplating on whether to ask her about the man he saw earlier.

"Amy?" he said.

"What is it Ste?"

"I met this weird guy at the store earlier"

"Did he have a funny lookin' eye?" She said "Mr. Rogers, ugh, you have some real weirdos around here"

"Uh, no he had a 'stache and wore a suit" Ste explains, "has a pretty scary expression on his face…"

He watches as she got quiet, body became tense before she responded. "Oh…what about him?"

"Do a know him?"

"No"

"I feel like I've seen him somewhere before…"

"Well, he does live here…lot of crazy people in this town" She added distastefully.

Suddenly Amy looks at Ste intently, she turned towards him ,grabbing his hands in a secure hold with a very serious face.

"Ste… that guy you saw early… he's bad news. Promise me you will stay away from him" He wasn't sure what to make of her remark but concern was written all over her face.

"Why-"

"Please Ste, just stay away from him. Okay?" the tone in her voice sounded more of a plead than a warning.

"Okay" Ste replied. He did not like seeing her worried about him or any other distress and decided to leave it alone. Amy gave his hands a squeeze before gathering the kids and headed into the room. Ste thought she was right, since she knew this town and the people better than him. There was just something about this particular man he couldn't figure why he was intrigued by him. Maybe he should just leave this alone, he thought. After all guys like him were not call "bad news" for no reason.

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><p>R&amp;R Please tell me what you think. This chapter is updated.<p> 


	3. Meet the Bradys

Chapter 3

A/N: Sorry for taking so long, I've been really busy and a lot of stuff happening. I hope I will be updating this sooner. I will try to upload more than one chapter at a time.

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><p>The whole journey to work, Ste's mind was stuck on what Amy told him. It was nothing hard to understand but just the way she said it made him ponder on who this guy really was. It wasn't a smart idea to be thinking about the strange man, but somehow he couldn't help it. He was curious as to why Amy would tell him to stay away from him.<p>

Jessica had left in a hurry because her younger sister had called about pains that she had been feeling since morning. She had called Lucy, a part time employee, to fill in.

Ste was bored out of his mind.

It's been a two hours since Jessica left and Lucy still hadn't shown up. It was slower today than most days at the store. It looked deserted, small aisles empty with no one to occupy them. With nothing to occupy his time, the blond man was playing with the pieces of paper he had crushed up and trying to shoot in the bin. Entertaining at first but now he was becoming annoyed. Ste got up walking around the store and stood at the glass door looking outside. Across from the store was a pub. He looked on at the group of people that were sitting around, either reading or chatting with friends drinking. Aimlessly looking around when his eyes recognized the dark haired man in a suit leaving the pub passing by and disappearing around the corner.

Ste, remembering Amy's words to him, quickly shook it away then briskly headed out the store after turning the 'close' sign and locking up the store. Like a curious cat, he followed the man walking down the street.

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><p>Amy's words kept replaying in his head and thinking of how stupid it must have been to be following this man but he couldn't help it, his curiosity got the better of him. Ste watched as the man entered a building resembling a warehouse with the name 'ChezChez.'<p>

Hesitantly, Ste entered the building. The sound of music was playing softly through the overhead speakers. It was a club as he guessed. What would normally be filled with people dancing to the heavy beats of the Dj was now quiet and desolate. The bar was empty, the walls illuminated with green lighting of bottles on the shelves. He placed his hand on the railing leading upstairs, looking up to see if there was anyone when he heard a voice called out from behind him.

"Can I help you?" Ste spun around to meet a tall blond hair woman. Before she could stop herself the words escaped her lips. "…Ste?"

Ste look at the woman with questioning look on his face. "Do I know you?"

"Uh…no not really, you're Amy's friend" She replied. "Everyone knows everyone in a village love." She said as matter-of-factly. "What are you doin' here?"

"Sorry, I was lookin' for a store and thought this was it" Ste lied, fidgeting with his hands.

"Is something wrong?" he asked politely. Look on her face was one of confusion, he wasn't sure what to make of it.

"No… why don't you come upstairs." She said walking pass him, as he follows her to the bar. It was as the one downstairs, the green illuminating against the dark coloured walls. Sitting down on the stool at the bar counter he noticed a gray door isolated by itself across the room that marked 'Office. Staff Only.'

"Can I get you anything to drink?"

"Thanks but I cant."

"oh... ok"

"I'm taking meds so…"

"Oh, that's fine you don't have to explain, love" she waved it off and smiled at him. "I'm Cheryl by the way"

"Stephen, but ya already knew that right?"

"That is correct, I know everyone around here" She said boastfully and gave a hearty laugh as proud of her social status.

"So, where were you lookin' for ?" Before he could reply, the door across from them flew open. Ste recognized the dark hair man standing in his gray suit at the door way.

"Chez where is…" The man trailed off as he noticed Ste's eyes intently gazed upon him. Suddenly, the hair on his skin began to rise.

"Look… we have a guest" the blond lady said scratching the back her head with a nervous look across her face as she looked at the dark hair man. His face quickly changed looking at him, a hardened expression displayed on his face. He came closer to blond, shoes scratching the surface of the floor with each step.

"The Place is closed" he looked at lady then turns his attention to the Ste.

"I'm sorry, I thought it was open at the time" looking down not wanting to meet his gaze.

"I invited him up, he was lost…" she explained to him, "…you remember Amy's friend?" He gazed like an animal on its prey looking Ste up and down.

"Should I?" He said nonchalantly, without hesitation.

She looked at him in a scowled manner. He simply ignored her and went around the counter for a beer. "Please forgive my brother's rudeness he must have knocked his head and lost his manners…this is Brendan"

"Well that's okay, I don't remember anyone around 'ere…"

"Oh, we heard about that…" the blond said solemnly and looked at her brother then back to blond man.

"I was pretty lucky, just can't remember anything before the car accident" he said with a somewhat disheartened tone, a small smile on his face gazing on his hands.

"Oh Ste, Nothing at all?" she said in sadly and put her hand on his shoulder.

"Well, I remember some stuff but it's not really clear, Amy's been really good to me"

They have forgotten about the obscure man was still standing there. The whole time the man stood there, not saying a single word, sipping his glass and listening.

"Although this-Is-all-so-touching, we have a business to run sis, I think you should run along now" He took a sip from his drink.

"Brendan"

"whatever, I'll be in the office" Brendan said turning, heading back to the office and shut the door..

"Don't mind my brother he's having a bad day, which seems like all the time" She said sheepishly. He felt like he could tell her anything. It was only a few minutes they were sitting here and it felt like someone he knew a long time. Somehow talking to her, he felt a sense of familiarity around her presence. His guessed they may have known each other and gotten along.

He wanted to ask her more questions but looking at his watch, he suddenly remembered about the store. "Well, I got to get back" Ste said and got up.

"Pop by anytime you want" She said with a warm smile, Ste couldn't help but to smile back and turned heading down the stairs.

"It was nice seeing you love, take care"

She got up and made her towards the office. Opening the door she saw her brother reading papers, seeming ignoring her presence.

"Cheryl, how many times I have to tell you...LEAVE IT." Brendan seethed.

"I didn't say anything!" She replied. " It's not like I told him to come here..."

The dark haired man sighed, squeezing the bridge of his nose easing the pain that was resonating in his head. He had headache from the other day. He wasn't sure what to make of it. He was irritated and even more so.

"Brendan…he doesn't remember anything…" She stated sadly, leaning against the wall with her arms fold. " …poor lad, musta been hard startin' all over again" She looked at her brother. Brendan didn't say a word. What was he supposed to say? Brendan wasn't a man of many words, especially those that regard to expressing how he felt. Even though he said nothing his thoughts wondered along, just as Cheryl's was doing at the moment.

He would see him from time to time around the village he never studied the small changes of the younger man's appearance. His dirty blond hair was longer, slightly unruly blond strands that covers top of his ears and loosely around his face which Brendan thought suited him well. He was still slim in body. One of things he noticed was how calm and relaxed the younger man was, more so than before.

"Maybe it's for the best…" Cheryl said simply, turns and head out of the office.

She was right. After all had happened to him, maybe it really was for the best Ste had forgotten everything…especially him.

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><p>R&amp;R so sorry about the long wait. Will try mi best to post chapters sooner.<p> 


	4. Curiosity kills the cat

Chapter 4 - Curiosity kills the cat

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><p>"Ste?"<p>

Dazed he did not realize Amy was calling him.

"hmm?"

"You're not eatin'?" She motioned her head to the plate in front of him.

"Sorry, just thinkin'… " Ste replied, lifting his fork and stabbing aimlessly at the food in front of him. He was too preoccupied with his latest venture.

"Anything I should be concerned about?" Amy asked putting a hand on her chin, brows close together listening intently.

"No, just sumtin' at work that's all, nothin' serious" He replied taking a bite, he decided to change the topic. " so…how's teaching ?"

She made a frustrated sound and pulled on her hair,"Those kids are driving me crazy!"

"Yea but you love ya job" He imply folding his arms against the table. Her expression softened and she sighed, easing back into the chair. "Yea I do…it's nice feeling being in charge and knowing you're helping someone" She smiled at the thought then looked at Ste who smiled in return. It was nice feeling they were friends, he thought. Even though he couldn't remember all they're been through he was surely glad he knew someone like her. Ste got up emptying his plate in the bin and putting in the sink.

"I gotta go" He kissed her cheek, saying bye to the kids and he contently headed to the store.

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><p>Walking along streets, observing the local people going along on their daily chores. His eyes caught by a certain dark hair man across the street. Ste contemplating on saying something remarking on yesterday's confrontation. The blond man went across to the man as he was standing in behind a van while his focus was on the clipboard in his hand.<p>

"Sorry if I intrude the other day" Ste said as he felt he had to say something. He wasn't sure what he wanted to achieve from this as the older man did not budge to even look up from the clipboard he's steadily focus on.

"Next time don't show your face around there, yea?" Brendan replied still looking at the paper in front of him.

"Why not?" confused by his response, "I didn't mean to cause any-"

"Get lost, will ya?"

"Look, I don't know what's your problem-" Brendan step closer to him, invading his space and looking intensely into his eyes. He wasn't sure what he was doing or how to react.

"I was… having bad day" he said simply, still looking at him in a predatory gaze. Intimidated by his stare, Ste looked away.

"How bout we go for a pint?" Ste said before he realized how bold he was asking this strange man something like this. He never really given it much thought as to how weird it sounded. It seemed clear enough the guy wasn't very fond of him.

"I don't think that's a good idea..." Brendan replied. His eyes were different now, Ste thought. His eyes were softer now. It wasn't so predator stare but the way he was looking at him with strange expression on his face "...Just stay away from me, yea" He said, and walks away.

Somewhat like….sorrow?

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><p>The day had already passed by and before Ste knew, six o'clock had come and gone. He was home with Amy and the kids.<p>

Ste lay on his bed in his room, biting on the tip of his pen. He was preoccupying his time with writing in a book he had found in his dresser draw few weeks earlier. It was something the doctor had told him to help with his memory. It was one way he kept track of the events that occurred each day.

His words weren't always perfect which he took notice how the way he spelt words and reading. It was another thing he realized he had problem with reading words clearly which he was told he had dyslexia.

Ste sighed, closing the book and laid on his back staring at the ceiling. He noted his encounter and conversation with the blond named, Cheryl and her brother, Brendan. He kept thinking about going back to the club. Maybe they have had encounters around the village before, Ste thought.

He thought about asking Amy questions about Cheryl but knowing Amy over the few months, she would easily worried about him going off to places by himself. He didn't want to cause any further stress for her, especially the fact that the man she had distinctly warned him about was Cheryl's brother.

It was like an itch he had to scratch. He felt the need to see them again. He wanted to be there, he had to be there. His mind played on what Brendan said to him earlier, so keen on warning him. Maybe he would just have to risk it, besides, he thought, Cheryl had told him he was welcome anytime. Also there's the club, he had not been anywhere in a long time and maybe a night out would be good for a change.

Ste got up, went into his draw for a change of shirt then grabs his hoodie off the bed. Looking in his book, he copies the information on a piece of paper. He zips up his hoodie and steps in the living room.

"I'm going to go out for abit"

"Out? It's late" Amy said with concern written all over her face.

"Uh, I'm goin' out with Jessica and her husband, meetin' up at the store" Ste lied. He hated lying to her but he didn't see any other way.

"So late? You sure that's safe?" She asked, "I don't want you going out so late"

"Amy, I'm not twelve"

"I can go with you" Amy offered as she remembered the little toddlers that was sleeping beside her on the couch.

"I don't want you to bring the kids out so late, I'm fine" He tried to reassure her.

"What if you have one of those _episodes_ again? Or something happens to you?"

"Jessica will be there, its fine Amy" he reassured and kisses her on the cheek and headed out.

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><p>He was nervous, feeling his heart racing. Conflicted thoughts kept running through his mind. His feet were moving but every fiber in his being told him to return home.<p>

As Ste got closer the sound of the music pumping, with each step the beat got louder. He joined the line to the entrance. Stepping in the club, Ste lets out a sigh of relief to cool his nerves. The people dancing as the each beat pulsates through their body. The beat of the music rang in his ears as he squeezed through the crowd, going up the stairs looking to see any sign of the siblings. With no luck he stood near the wall looking across the room.

Longer he stood there Ste felt the ringing in his ears began to get louder. Head pounding from the music and the blinking lights, he needed to leave. He began to push his way through the crowd. Being push back and forth by the swamp of people, he began to feel dizzy.

Suddenly he felt someone grabs his shoulder. "Hey!"

"What're you doing here?" Brendan said in an angry tone.

"Didn't I tell you not to show yer face around here?" Ste could not respond. He felt a shocking pain at the side of his head. He bends over grabbing his head in pain.

"Stephen?" concern laced Brendan's voice.

"Stephen!" Brendan quickly grabs him guiding him through the crowd to the office. Closing the door he reaches for his phone when Ste stops him.

"Don't…"

"I'm callin' an ambulance"

"No, don't" Ste refused, Still in pain. Brendan ignores him and began to dial when Ste grabs his phone.

"Amy doesn't know I'm 'ere, please don't call…" He said to him. Still Upset, Brendan reluctantly fulfills his wishes and put the phone on the desk then grabs him by the shoulder direct him to the couch to sit. Brendan eyes were watching him like a hawk as he leans against the wall. He felt helpless watching the younger man, struggle through the pain. Few minutes later his eyes were still closed but his brows were now relaxed. His head rested back against the couch with his hand still placed at the side of his head.

"You okay?"

"Yea… thanks" He said sitting up rubbing the back of his neck. "I forgot my pills" He said sheepishly.

"I think the crowd and the lights got to mi"

"what're ya even doin' here ?" Brendan said trying to maintain his cool. "You could've been really hurt you know that?" He said to him as Ste sits there like a child being scolded.

"Well, I'm not…I'm fine now" Ste replied, getting up when suddenly Brendan stops him. "what're you doin'!"

"goin' home?"

"Like this?" Brendan said absurdly, as if he was baffled by his response. "Wait here" He said then left the office leaving Ste confused by his behavior. Although it was obvious why he was concern it just didn't seem like something a guy like Brendan would be so concern about, Ste thought.

Minutes later the older man came back in the office, "come on, let's go"

"Where we goin' ?" Ste said with a clueless expression.

"Come on, taking ya home" Ste wanted to object but the look on Brendan face he wasn't going to refuse.

On the way it was silent in the car. Ste tried to refuse the ride since the flat was not that far but Brendan was not taking no for an answer and ultimately Ste had no choice. He had asked about Cheryl and was informed she was away for the day.

When they reach near the flat, Brendan suddenly stops the car a few feet away and sat there silently. Ste was even more confused by his behavior but did not question as this seems like his cue to leave and got out the car. Awkward as the drive home, he wasn't sure what to say.

"Well, thanks…"

"Yep" Was his only response then made a 'U' turn and drove off. The more contact he got with him the stranger he gets, Ste thought to himself. What a night, being driven home made him felt like a teenager again. It was embarrassing that someone else had to see him like that. He sighs as he reach the front door, pulls out a mark key from his pocket and opens the door. Reminiscing on the night's events, Ste sighs again and head straight to his room. Probably serves him for not listening to Amy he grumbles to himself pulling the pillow over his head he quickly fell asleep.

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><p>R&amp;R please bear with my once in a blue moon posting heh .O<p> 


	5. Unexpected Intentions I

Chapter 5 - Unexpected Intentions I

A/N: sorry guys, I was busy with school but good thing is that my exams are over YAY. I have to say, that some of the parts as we progress in this story was my idea, so I did not take anything from what happened. I had already had the idea beforehand. Sorry about my grammar as always, you guys know I do my best : )

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><p>"Hiya" Ste smiled at the older lady. She welcomed him with opens arms and a bright smile on her face. She was really something to look forward working here, always smiling. It was never a dull moment with her. "How ya doin' love?" She asked.<p>

"Alright…" his thoughts run on last night's events that occurred.

"How's …um"

"Karey?" Jessica added for him.

"Just two more weeks…" She told him "you should see her, so swollen up like a pumpkin" He remembered the day before she had left the store due to stomach pains her sister had complained about. "Oh, how is she?"

"She's fine, Stomach pains seem to be contractions" She said, "It was a false alarm apparently"

"Well, that's good news right?" He said to her.

"Yea, with all her bossing me around, I tell you, I wouldn't mind she had the baby now and save us the trouble" Ste simply smiled not saying a word. He could hear the annoyance in her voice but he knew she loved her sister regardless of what she led on.

As the day went by, Ste kept thinking about fair Irishman that he couldn't help but have a strange interest in. With his chin rested in his hand, he turned to his red head friend.

"…Mrs. Maudy"

"Jessica" She corrected him. "You know I don't like to be called Mrs. Maudy, sounds so old" She said distastefully.

"Jessica…Have you heard of Brendan Brady?"

"You mean…" she made an action of a moustache above her lips. He smiled, "heh yea"

"Even though I'm new round here news travels fast" She added, "The Gay, bad boy, Irishman"

"He's gay?" said Ste, shocked at what he just heard.

"He doesn't really look like the type does he?" She caught herself, "well, not that there's a type…"

"Yea, I know what you mean" Still shock himself, processing the information in his brain. He thought about the time she assumed Amy was his girlfriend and he told her he was gay. First thing she said was _"the good lookin' ones always gay"_

"Thought you guys had a six sense for these things" Jessica said.

"I got knocked on mi head remember" He joked, "besides, I don't think we're all built with the '_gay radar'_"

"My cousin, He could tell you a camper just by the shoes ya wear" She said confidently.

Ste looks at her with a raised eye brow "ya jokin'"

She nodded "no, I tell ya, he's never gotten it wrong" so sure of herself, as a costumer purchase and left.

She faced him, "Why you askin' about him for?"

"Just sumthin' a heard earlier…" He lied.

"Well, careful of that one, don't think he's the _boyfriend material type_" She advised him.

"whatcha mean?" He asked her.

"Heard he's killed people" She replied in a serious tone. Ste stayed silent taking in what she just told him. Is it possible? He thought to himself. His appearance was one that came off as daunting, someone who you would not have a second thought to mess with, but to murder someone? The thought ran shivers down his spine, yet it didn't stop his curiosity. He was really nice to him yesterday but who knows, it was pretty natural for someone to react the way he did.

"That's rumors though, Jess, you don't think he really did, do ya?"

"I'm not one to believe gossip but sometimes they ain't just gossip either"

"He can't be all that bad…." Ste added.

"Is that right?" She said looking at him.

"Like the bad boy type do ya?" She teased, nudged him in the rib. "Well, I gonna head out for abit, Lucy is supposed to come by, you gonna be fine?"

Ste nodded, as she headed out, his attention turned when the sound of the door chime rang.

He nodded his head and continues to walk around the store. Ste noted he always pick up the same the items as he made his way to the counter. Dropping the items on the counter, the awkwardness could be felt as the machine beeps. Both men were silent then the older man spoke.

"How're yer feeling? "

"Better now, thanks…" Ste replied, not sure what to say. It was embarrassing enough at what happened at the club, he thought. The doctor did warn him about crowd places, tends to trigger something in his brain as a panic attack. Somehow blinking lights and loud music were something that tends to be too much to handle, even now.

"You still up for that drink" Brendan said. his attention focus on the outside then turn to Ste, who expression was one of confusion.

"I thought-"

"What time you get off?" Brendan interrupted.

"Around six" Ste replied still unsure what to think.

"See you at the pub" Brendan nudged his head towards the place across the street, called 'The Dog'

"o…kay?" Ste replied with uncertainty as he watched as Brendan grabs his bag and left. He was not sure why the change of heart, was it he felt sorry for him for what happened yesterday? Or did he just change his mind? He decided not to question it any further.

Ste shook his head, trying to push aside the thoughts in his mind and focus as Lucy came strolling in.

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><p>Ste zip his hoodie, saying his goodbye then headed out the store. Ste felt his nerves shake, heart slightly racing. He wasn't sure what to expect. Wasn't this what he wanted? So why was he getting so worked up? Recall his earlier conversation, he was going to have a drink with the possible village killer. Ste felt his throat got dry at the thought and swallowed with uneasiness. People made up stories all the time he tried to reassure himself as he head to the pub.<p>

Ste stood at the entrance searching for him through the crowd. His search ended as his eyes recognized the man with a moustache in a dark rolled up sleeve shirt, with a gold cross chain around his neck.

"Sit" The older man said, he had already started drinking. There was another glass in front of him. Without looking at him, he slowly pushes it across the table.

"Uh, I forgot to tell ya… I can't drink"

"Right" Brendan replied, pulling the glass back to him.

"Maybe I could have one-"

"Whatay're crazy!" Brendan snapped at him. Realizing his reaction, he sighs and relaxes in his chair.

"That came out wrong"

"No, it's fine…you're right, I shouldn't" He said, fidgeting with his hands. "I'll just get an orange juice" Ste got up and head over to the bar.

There was an awkward silence between both men as they sipped their drinks. He was fidgeting, Ste noticed. Rubbing his hand on his leg or tapping his fingers on the table once in a while, like he was anxiously waiting for something.

"So this is what you do in your spare time?" Ste asks humorously trying to make light conversation.

"Well, I don't know Stephen, since we did plan to go for a drink" Brendan replied plainly.

The younger man sat there, trying to bite his tongue. He had questions he was itching to ask. It's not like he could come right out and say it, _'hey have you killed anyone before?'_

"How long you been in Hollyoaks?"

"Is this twenty one questions now?" The older man said defensively.

"no…just making small talk" Ste replied simply.

Brendan rubbed his hand across his forehead, "Almost a year now"

"So… we've never met before?"

"Nope, I've been away"

"No? I feel maybe I've seen you before…"

"Maybe around, I dunno" Brendan said annoyed, clearing his throat he took a long sip of his beer.

He didn't seem as threatening as everyone made him out to be, Ste thought. Maybe knowing that he was gay made it easier for him to relate to in a strange sense. He was intimidating but that came along with someone of his exterior. He was enjoying this alot more than he expected. Maybe it was the hit on the head had made him more receptive to psychotic endeavors or possible the only exciting thing that has happened since he's been out of the hospital. Even if it was one or the other, being out with someone else apart from the shop and Amy with the kids, he felt like maybe this was something his old self would have enjoyed.

As the time passed both men talked as Brendan began to feel the effect of the booze had reached his head decided it was time to go. They left the Dog and began walking through the streets of Hollyoak in the cool night. Ste didn't want to ask where they were going but from the direction they were walking to his home which led him to his next question.

"The other night, how did you know where I was stayin?"

"I asked Cheryl, she told me your friend's address"

"Oh…" Ste looks down on the ground. A lot less exciting than he imagined, him being the possible village killer. Ste thought of the serial killers from the movies how they found their victims house, then waited for the right time to act. So much for not believing rumors but then what did he really know about Brendan Brady. Something like this was hard to ignore. They spoke on common subjects in their conversation at the pub of soccer or simple topics they would get by. Even though he was the one that led the conversation, he enjoyed his time at the pub and walking back with the least possible pairing in the village. The whole time he didn't felt scared, actually, he was intrigue by him. At last, he would admit, he was attracted to Irishman in a way he couldn't explain. Being so close to him, he felt a certain tightening in his chest.

"Stephen" Brendan called him.

"wha-" Ste focusing on their surroundings, he realize they were few distance from his house. The younger man noticed it was the same distance he parked the night before.

"What's wrong?" he asked Ste.

"Nothing…" said the younger man.

"You sure?"

"Yea… tell Cheryl, said hi" Ste said.

"I might pop by sometimes…"

Brendan simply nodded.

"You don't mind?"

He stood there with both hands in his leather jacket. He was saying something that Ste wasn't focused on. Before he realized what he was doing he kissed him when Brendan quickly pulled back. His face read confusion and utter shock.

"I-I'm sorry" Ste said frighten by his own actions, did not waited for a response and quickly ran off leaving the older man to process what had just happened.

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><p>Please Read &amp; Review ^.^<p> 


	6. Unexpected Intentions II

Chapter 6–Unexpected Intentions part II

A/N: just reminding you that this story the characters tend to be OOC (out of character) due to the situation.

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><p>Ste couldn't sleep. The whole night his mind kept replaying what had happened yesterday. How would he face him again? Ste sighed in frustration. <em>'This was not supposed to happen,' <em>he thought. He didn't know what came over him. Touching his lips, thinking about the way it felt. What was he going to do now?

Rubbing his hands over his eyes, he groans in despair. Re-reading what he had written in his journal about last night and he felt his stomach turn. Why did he do that? He was bound to see him around the village or at the store. There was no point in hiding, he had to make things right.

Reluctantly he got up, groaned again, running his hands through his hair. "whhhyyyy?" He whined and hung his head down. Dreading the rest of his day hoping he would not have to encounter an angry Irish man. He wasn't exactly sure what he would be angry about, since he's gay but then what did Jessica know? It could be rumors… right?

Ste sigh again, putting on his hoodie he stepped outside. He felt the chill of the cool wind against his face. He looked up at the gloomy sky as if it was reflecting his mood. Pulling the hoodie over his head and sluggishly made his way to the work knowing each step drew him closer to facing a perturb Irish man.

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><p>At work, Ste could not concentrate. His mind was too busy rehearsing what to say to the older man when he sees him. What if Jessica was wrong about him being gay? This would surely put him into a more awkward situation than before. The thought of Brendan being a killer was another reason to worry. He meant he would probably kill him for pulling a stunt like that.<p>

As the day wined down, Ste left the _Maudy's stop shop_ earlier today, since the day had been slower than usual. On his walk to _ChezChez_, different scenarios began to play in Ste's head. He had no idea what this guy was capable of and now he was on his way to see him, alone. His hand in his hoodie pocket played with his cell phone. Ste stopped, he had reached his destination. Trying to calm his nerves he slowly exhaled and cautiously entered the building.

Ste slowly made his way up the stairs, fiddling with his hands. His mind was racing. Everything he had rehearsed to say suddenly disappeared and his mind had become completely blank. He could just imagine Brendan's face when he sees him and felt a sudden streak of panic and a pounding in his chest. As he reached the top of the stairs he could see the Irish man at the bar counter reading a newspaper. Quickly their eyes made four. Icy blue eyes bore into him as he felt shivers run down his spine. He couldn't read his expression as he just sat there looking at him without saying a single word.

"C-Can we talk?" Ste said nervously, watching as Brendan just stood there looking at him before he closed the newspaper and walked into the office with Ste hesitantly following him.

Still fidgeting with his hands, looking on the ground, every time he glanced up their eyes met and Ste would quickly look away.

"I-I just want to say I'm sorry… about last night… Don't know wha' come over mi"

"Is that right?" Brendan took a step forward causing Ste to take two cautionary steps back.

Ste nodded, "I'm sorry" The look in his blue eyes was so different than before yet the same eyes he's always known, Brendan thought to himself.

"I-I just want us to be friends, that's it" Ste added as Brendan moved closer and Ste took another step back. "I mean if- if you're not gay-"

"You think I'm gay" Brendan said coolly and took another step forward and Ste stepped back, feeling the cold wall behind him.

"NO, no, I- uh, I really didn-"

Ste stops talking as Brendan was right in front of him. Ste didn't know what to do. His mind told him to run but his feet wouldn't move. Brendan eyes gazed intently on him, searching for something he could not understand. Ste watched as his left hand came up and ran his fingers across his face then through his hair.

He felt his heart racing; his breathing became heavy as he stood there. Strange feelings washed over him again, a certain fluttering in his stomach. Without a word, he felt Brendan's lips on his. His shock is overcome by a strange, underlining passion. Lips mesh together perfectly, eagerly ravishing each other's mouths. Shyness overcame quickly as his hand grabs the back of Brendan's head, running his hand through those dark strands.

Suddenly he felt Brendan pulled away.

"Get out"

"Wha-"

"Get out!"

"I don't underst-"

"I SAID GET OUT!" Brendan shouted.

The younger man quickly move on his was out the office he bounced into Cheryl. "Ste?" He quickly apologizes to her, before she could say another word Ste was already down the stairs. Cheryl turns her attention to her brother.

"What is the hell is goin' on?"

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><p>The sound of the door slammed had Amy on her feet. "You're back late" She said to him. She had noticed that he was coming home later than normal but she decided to hold back on the questions for now.<p>

"Yea...I was just helping Jessica with ...some packages" Ste replied trying to catch his breath. He had run all the way to the house without stopping. His heart was beating rapidly, as if it was about to rip through his chest, with the way he felt it was no surprised if it did. He wasn't sure if it was the run or his mind endlessly replaying what had happened but his headache had gotten worse on the way and the sound of ringing could be heard as he stood there.

"Ste, are you okay?" Amy asked. He was acting weird and his face looked pale.

"Yea…I'm fine" He turned away from her hiding his pain. The room began to spin, he closes his eyes.

"You sure?" She placed her hand on his should. "You seem a bit shaken up" Amy said worriedly, rubbing his shoulders in a soothing motion. He grabs the side of his head. "Ste?"

"I said I'm fine alright!" Ste snapped at her. "Sorry…I'm just having a headache" Amy called out to him but simply ignored her. He quickly turned and went into his room down the narrow hallway and closed the door.

"You want something to eat?" Amy asked through the door but he simply decline.

He crashed on the bed as he felt the room spinning. The ringing had gotten louder. Ste reached in the draw, taking out one of his pills and drank it with a glass of water at his bed stand. He closed his eyes tightly, hoping the pill would take effect as the pain had become so excoriating to bear that he passed out.

* * *

><p>"So much for '<em>leave him be'<em>"

Brendan remained silent with his arms folded as he on the office desk. This wasn't supposed to happen again. He vowed to himself he would not make the same mistake. After all that had happened how easily he was drawn to do something so foolish again. Now, he was back to square one.

"I don't know what to tell you babe" Cheryl said to her brother. Folding her arms and sat in the seat across from the office door.

"Well then don't say ANYTHING!" Brendan said in annoyed tone.

"Don't take your frustration out on me!" Cheryl told him.

The music vibrated throughout the office. The muffled voice of the DJ announcing and the crowd could be heard through the door cheering as the dj played one of the recently popular songs. All having a good time and enjoying the moment while he felt like running everyone out the club to make himself feel better. It wasn't such a bad idea was it?

"…You know…You can't go knockin' him around" She said to him.

"I know that Chez… You think I like hurtin him then…" Brendan said, "I just couldn't… stop myself" He told her truthfully. He couldn't stop himself when his fear and rage blinded him. He was terrified of facing the truth about his sexuality that he resorted to violence to keep him silent. Manipulating to get his ways with him and he didn't care if he was hurting the young man but all that changed after the accident. He wasn't proud of himself then or now. It was his fault for what had happened to him. Cheryl did not spoke to him for weeks after she found out the truth of that tragic night.

After the accident he had left Hollyoaks a few days later and had recently returned a week ago. He tried to avoid him whenever he saw him around the village. The first time he came back, their first encounter they had when Brendan almost bounced into him. Then when he realizes he was working at the new store that had opened and now he was kissing him in his office. Every time he saw him, he couldn't help the way he felt, no matter how much he was played it off. Brendan never thought how easily he would fall back right into his life.

"Brendan, what were thinkin' ?" Cheryl asked him, "If Amy finds out-"

"She won't"

"How you know he won't say anything to her?"

"I'll talk to him!"

"What if he remembers? Have you thought of that?"

"Well he hasn't okay or he would've already"

"That's your excuse?"

"You think I planned this?" He seethed.

"Well he certainly didn't come here for me" Cherly told him.

His sister saw how distraught look on his face then got up and sat beside him. "Look, I'm not sayin' anything else okay…" Cheryl told him, looking at her brother, "I know whether you admit it or not, I know that you still care for him Brendan but you can't do this again you gave Amy your word. You're supposed to stay away from him, the less he remembers about everything the better…" Knowing it would probably hurt him to hear it She said finally "…especially you."

"You don't want him to remember"

"Yea, I know sis…" She was right. He hated that she was right and all what she said was true. Brendan did not want him to remember. He was safer away from him. The look of fear in his eyes was the last of the Stephen he knew and now it was like a completely different person. All content and smiling, did he really want to ruin that?

She watched as her brother had gotten quiet again and sighs.

"What're gonna do now?" resting her head on his shoulder.

"I don't know, Chez…I don't know…"

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><p>Read &amp;Review: 3<p> 


	7. Have your cake and eat it too?

Chapter 7 – Have your cake and eat it too

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><p>Brendan twirled the glass in his hand, inhaling the sweet potent scent of the fine whiskey. It had been aged well, left in the dark cellar in barrels absorbing the flavor of the oak wood for many years, acquiring the right taste to accommodate for this precise moment. Bless the soul of the man who developed the fine idea and sharing its fortune of finding a substance that would taste fine as milk to ease the hardest man's problem.<p>

He rested his head on the back of his chair. Relaxed, feeling the warmth beneath his skin, letting the alcohol slowly take its effect as it ran through his bloodstream and soothed his mind.

The only problem with liquor was that no matter how much you drink, once the taste has fully dissolved and the intoxication had worn off all your problems came resurfacing to the top. His particular problem right now was a blue eyed, blonde haired young man named Stephen.

Just thinking about him made him forget the purpose of this whiskey. His mind wandered on their kiss. When he came to speak to him all he could do was stare. The way his dirty blonde strands fell around his face. The look of complete cluelessness and nervousness written on his face was just too tempting. The night before when the younger man kissed him his feelings had re-emerged without hesitation. To taste those lips again was like an addict tasting the purest drug.

At the moment he wasn't thinking about the consequences or what it would mean to feed into his desires but now he had sealed his fate for the second time around and he wasn't sure what to do.

He was delaying meeting the blonde man. Brendan was never good at confrontations. He wasn't good at many things that required him to be civil, especially human mannerisms that were regarded by society. He went by his own rules; his own principles that he thought were ideal and worked perfectly for a man like him.

He had told his sister that he would talk to Stephen but he had not had the first clue how he would even form the right words to say. What was he supposed to say?

He brought his glass to his lips, but it was empty. Looking at the empty glass he sighed and closed his eyes. He heard the clicking sound of heels and braced himself.

"Well?" She said leaning against the door while Brendan ignored her with his eyes closed.

"Have you heard from him?" Cheryl asked.

"No" He said simply, rocking his chair left to right trying to drown out whatever his sister had to say.

"I guess nothing happened or Amy would be here already" She said, "Are you going to speak to him then?"

"I dunno" He replied in annoyed tone.

"You better sort out this out" Cheryl told him and move from to open the file draw looking for through some papers.

"Can't believe you were mad at me a couple a days ago for bein' friendly when you're here snoggin' his face" She said to him who had enough of hearing her mouth.

"Shut it, will ya!"

She gasps "don't tell me to shut it!"

"I get it okay" Brendan said annoyed, "I tell ya I will sort it, alright" and got up and headed out of the office.

She was a thorn in his side, constantly telling him what to do. He was getting tired of hearing her talk. Lost in his thoughts he didn't realize the person he bounced into was the last person he wanted to see right now. '_Great just what he needed right now'_ he thought to himself.

"Well, look who it is" He said in a mocking voice.

"I'd say our meeting was long overdue don't you?" She replied in a sarcastic tone.

"Very…"

"Can't say I was looking forward to it" Amy told him with a sense of disgust.

"Always so vile Amy, young lady your age it's… not good" Brendan said, sounding concerned looking down on her with lack of care on his face.

"Only when I see you Brendan" She replied as her eyes gazed upon him with darts, "somehow you bring out the worse in mi" She gave him a fake smile and folded her arms, "So… whose life you're ruinin' now?"

The smug look on his face was gone and became serious.

"Aw, what's wrong?" She mocked and put her hand on her chest. "Did I struck a chord?"

He stepped towards her, simply look down on her. "I hope you remembered what you promised"

"I said I would, Amy" he said simply.

"You owe him that much, after what you did" She seethed. Her words dug in his chest like daggers. She didn't mind reminding him how much of a scum he already felt like. He remembered the day they were at the hospital, she told him to leave. He remembered the look of hate in her eyes, as much as he tried to pretend she didn't bother him, it was constant reminder of what he did.

"He's doing fine, actually happy …smiling" She told him and looked in his eyes and saw look of hurt on his face for a second but would not indulge in it. "If you cared about him at all Brendan, you should keep away from him, yea?" She said then walk passed him.

He remembered when he had called Cheryl a few weeks after Stephen was still in the hospital. At the time he was in Belfast, staying at a hotel when he heard the news. She told him that the doctor said Stephen had amnesia. Those were some of the darkest few weeks he had in his life. He moved his head left then right, stretching the muscles in his neck and exhaled. "Okay…" He said to himself and turns his attention to a pub and started to walk in that direction.

He was plan on going to the store but first, he needed a drink.

* * *

><p>Ste sat on the couch aimlessly flicking through the channels. There was nothing that peaked his interest. He was home and bored. He had taken the day off from work since he wasn't feeling good. He had awoken from the same dream he had as the ticking sound woke him from his slumber. To his relief, the pain had subsided. It wasn't the first time he had had occasions like this. The doctor told him it could mean his brain was trying to recollect memory but there was no change. He was at the point where he didn't care much and accepted the facts.<p>

As much as he was annoyed by the fact he had nothing to do or just his condition, he was greatly bothered by a certain man. He was not sure what to make of the whole ordeal. He thought of the kiss they shared at the club. He had gone there to apologize but left there feeling more confused than before. Does this mean Brendan was gay then? Was he still in the closet? Ste did not know what to think as he quickly snapped out of his thoughts at the sound of the door closed.

"Ste?" Her gently voice called his name.

"Hiya" He said with no luck of finding something, he turned off the TV.

"How ya feeling?"

"I'm fine" He replied and threw the remote on the chair across from him.

"I think we should go see the doctor" She suggested to him, putting the bags of groceries on the table and started unpacking the items.

"Why?"

"Just to make sure everything's fine" She told him packing the items in the fridge.

"I'm alright Amy" He reassured her. "It's not the first time I had these pains and nothing happens…" picked up one of the kid's stuff toy. "…Besides, it's not like they have anything that could help mi"

"But those tablets help ya, don't it?"

"It's just pills Amy, it's not to help me remember…"Ste said blandly. He knew Amy meant well but he hated talking about his condition. He felt certain sadness but at the same time he had no idea what to be sad about since he had no recollection of who he was before. Amy had told him certain things from his past and it wasn't something to miss.

There were certain days he would feel upset or sad about something he had no clue why. The days after he woke up and the doctors had run all their tests on him, the doctor told him he had amnesia. He explained that the extent of the damage was severe. Somehow he was lucky to be able to function normally with all responses of his body intact. Although the first few weeks he had woken up he had therapy to help strengthen his memory skills as well as writing.

Certain moments he would have tremors but that was side effect of the trauma he had suffered but it wasn't anything to hinder him or his ability to function. There was no cure for people with amnesia. Depending on the damage it was hard to tell how much of the person's memory could be restored. Some people get their memories over a short time, others in months and in rare cases the person never completely remembers anything, only pieces if they were lucky. Fortunate for him, he was the one of the rare cases.

Amy looked across to room to see him staring silently at the toy in his hand.

"Sorry, I know you don't like talkin' about it…" She said with sadness in her voice.

He waved his hand in a motion as to brush it off. "It's alright" He smiled to reassure her. "Where are the kids?" He asked, changing the subject.

"I haven't pick them up as yet I'm going out now" She replied putting away the bags.

He placed the toy down and got up putting on his dark blue jacket that was on the arm of the couch. He has had enough of staying in for one day. So many things on his mind, he needed some air.

"Where you going?"

"Goin' for a walk, you want me to pick them up as well?" Ste offered but she told him not to worry.

"See ya in a bit" He said and left.

* * *

><p>He wasn't sure where he was going as he walked aimlessly through the village streets. The evening breeze was chillier than yesterday. He looked around the village, seeing people talking to their friends, children with their parents enjoying their day.<p>

The fresh air had done him good, it was relaxing and he just needed to get out and clear his head. Some days he needed a moment for himself. Amy and the kids, although they are fun to be around, sometimes he couldn't help feeling indifferent at times. They were his only family, since she explained to him about his parents and his relationship with them. To Ste it all felt like a dream to him, but he was not dreaming anymore, this was the reality.

Ste stopped and looked up. He stood a few feet from '_ChezChez.' _He didn't know how he ended up here. He could hear the sound of the music raging from the building. He thought of all the people enjoying themselves, forgetting all their problems. He surmised that Cheryl was probably there as well, laughing and having a blast. Then his mind wandered on Brendan, he couldn't see him enjoying himself. The thought of him caused Ste to remember their kiss and he felt a tightening in his chest.

"Stephen" He heard familiar voice call to him.

'_Shit' _Brendan cursed to himself. He was heading back to the club just to see who it was standing there in the street. As much as he planned on talking to him he had no plans on doing it any time soon. He wanted to avoid him but in this place, that was impossible it seemed.

"Hiya" Ste replied hesitantly. _'This is awkward'_ he thought to himself.

"What're doin'?" Brendan asked with a confused look on his face, referring to Ste standing in the middle of the street.

"Oh, uh…I was… taking a walk" He replied.

"Okay…" The older man simply replied and was about walk off when Ste called his name.

"Brendan?" Ste said, "I'm sorry, but what happened yesterday?" Ste asked without thinking how forward he was being but he wanted answers.

Brendan thought of his run in with the young blonde female earlier and cursed to himself.

"Come on"

"Where we goin'?"

"Back to mine" Brendan told him and went up the stairs across from the club. Ste followed him carefully as he watched as he opened one of the doors and waited for him to enter.

This was a dumb idea, Brendan thought to himself. He was supposed to keep away and here he was inviting him into his house.

Brendan watched as Ste entered the apartment. He had a funny look on his face. Not saying a word, just observing the younger man, this made him question him. "Is sumthin' wrong?"

"No, nothing" The dark haired man replied simply. He wanted to see his reaction to being in his flat since he had been there before but the blonde man seemed unaware of the times he was here.

How much did he remember? He was told that Stephen's long term memories were erased and had no recollection of anything that had happened before the incident. He didn't comprehend how drastic it was till the day he came to the club. From what Brendan knew about people who had amnesia was from the movies and nothing more. He wasn't dumb not to think logical of the matter but at the same time it was surreal the same person he knew was oblivious to any relationship they had before.

"About yesterday…forget about it" He said to Ste and stepped towards him.

"What'd ya mean?"Ste asked, he wasn't sure what he was referring to or what he meant for that matter.

"Do you remember anything?...I mean, about ya know, your condition…and all?" Brendan asked him suddenly.

Ste looked up at him with a strange look. "Why you wanna know?"

"I'm just curious, as to how it…works" Brendan said simply and smiled which was slightly creepy but Ste didn't think much of it.

"Hmm not really, I have patches of memory of the past but it's faded …" Ste told him and had a focus on his face as if he was trying to gather his what he could recall. "Everything that happened is a blur really…"

"I see…" There was apart Brendan that was sad but he would never admit that, not even to himself. He thought of Amy warning him to stay away. They didn't want to take chances with him around Stephen as he could trigger his memories but there was no indication whether Stephen could ever remember. Stephen was the one that kissed him, what did it mean for him? Brendan wondered, was he subconsciously drawn to him? His mind started to wonder…could there be a possibility for him?

A second chance? It was a crazy to think of but it could be a way for him to start over, for them. With no memories of whom Brendan Brady was before he couldn't help but think of this as a possible opportunity to him. Apart of him knew it was selfish of him and downright low even but he couldn't help it. Brendan wanted him back.

"So about yesterday…" Brendan said, "I don't know…what came over me" he was looking around the place which had Ste wondering what he was looking at but the short time they hung out he realize the dark hair man's quirky habits.

"I didn't mean to react…" Brendan looked at him. "...That way"

"Are you still …comin' to terms with your…"Ste asked as he was indicating something, "ya know…"

"Coming to terms?" Brendan repeated with confusion till he realized what he meant. "Oh, er…No"

"Was having a bad day" Brendan lied. "It had nothin' to do with you, okay" He said in a soothing voice that made Ste felt his nerves getting to him. He was weird, Ste thought, he says weird things and acts quite odd but he didn't care. He wasn't scared of him and somehow he couldn't help feeling this way about him.

"I'm sorry if I made it worse or anythin'"

"You didn't" Brendan said in his deep voice. Ste looked into his eyes, for that moment, he gathered enough courage to make the move and tried to kiss him.

"Stephen, stop" He whispered.

"Why?"Ste asked him, "What's wrong?" He waited for an answer but he didn't receive one. Brendan wanted to tell him, how wrong this was and how he should leave but instead his hand came up and brush through his dirty blonde hair. Ste tried to kiss him again and this time felt no resistance.

It was slow at first, the kiss deepened and Ste held onto the front of Brendan's jacket. Brendan moved his hand to the back of Ste's head to gain more control when he felt the ridged scar on his scalp and quickly pulled away.

Ste leaned in to try and kiss him again but Brendan held him by his arms to stop him.

"What is it?" Ste asked softly with a confused look on his face. Brendan just looked at him with a strange look on his face. Letting go of his arms, Ste touch the side of his head. "Did it scare you?" He grinned, "It was from the accident" Ste explained, "It was larger than this before" but Brendan already knew that. He was startled by how large the scar was when he felt it.

Brendan was about to reply when Ste's phone rang. He reached in his sweater pocket to see the name of caller was Amy. He realized he had been away longer than he planned. "I gotta go" He told Brendan putting his phone in his pocket.

"Can I see you tomorrow?" Ste looked at him waiting for his response.

Brendan knew he had the cards in his hands. He had the choice to set him on the right path and tell him off for good or continue to play with fire, give in to what Brendan craved for the most.

"…Yea, sure…" He said softly, Ste smiled at him.

As soon as Ste left the flat, Brendan smacked his hand on the couch in anger and cursed himself. What the hell was he doing, Why couldn't he just do the right thing, he thought. It was selfish, but the thought of no Stephen, especially when he had this chance, was too hard to bear. It would be the best thing for the younger man to completely cut him out of his life. The farther from him was better promise for happiness. The longer Stephen was around him, the more chance he would have of hurting him, just as before. After all, everything he ever loved he ends up destroying.

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><p>Read and Review, please and thank you : ) Massive respect to ma cuz for her help fixing errors.<p>

A/N: I did research on this amnesia topic however, please don't penalize me . I tried my best. I hope you are enjoying my story.


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